Does the nanny have to love the child?

Choosing a nanny for a child is one of the most important decisions parents make. After all, the nanny becomes an integral part of the baby’s life, she is responsible for his care, safety and emotional well-being. Therefore, the question arises: should the nanny have feelings of love for the child she is caring for? This question brings up many conflicting debates and viewpoints. In this article, let us consider a couple of arguments and try to come to a conclusion, what is favourable for the development of the baby – love or professionalism in the work of the nanny.

The role of a nanny in a child’s life

The nanny provides professional childcare, taking responsibility for the child’s well-being and development as a child.

Here are some of the responsibilities of a babysitter:

Performs basic care including feeding, bathing, keeping clean and comfortable
Monitors safety and prevents possible dangerous situations.
Observes the daily routine
Provides learning activities and games: developing memory, speech, motor skills, cognitive abilities and social skills
Organises leisure activities
Creates emotional support through a cosy and supportive atmosphere

Interacts with parents by communicating information about the baby’s condition, needs and achievements

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Features of communication between the nanny and the parents and the child:

The nanny accepts the rules and values of the family without disturbing the existing microclimate.

The nanny’s job is to personalise your baby’s development, assess your baby’s strengths and weaknesses and agree an effective approach to your child, not to impose their expertise.

She should show appropriate initiative, a sense of tact and be attentive both to the child’s needs and to hearing the parents. Remember that the main rule is: “Do no harm!

From the moment the nanny arrives in the family, parents should maintain open communication and be able to share important information about the baby with the nanny. The nanny talks about the baby’s behaviour, emotional state and significant life moments: experiences, events, achievements, new skills. The nanny lives with the child every day. She serves as a reliable support for the child – the child always knows that in the person of the nanny he receives attention, care and empathy. Parents, in their turn, discuss the peculiarities of upbringing and various situations together with the nanny.

The concept of love and its role in the development of a child’s personality

It is important for a child to grow up in a loving and supportive environment as it profoundly affects their psychological and social development.

It is worth noting that the childhood period is critical to personality formation and development. According to psychology research, childhood attachment and emotional bonds with loved ones influence a child’s future relationships and success in life.

According to Newfeld, attachment is any desire for contact and closeness, whether physical, emotional, or psychological. As we age, our brains develop and our personalities form, the ability to form relationships changes.

Gordon Newfeld is a PhD and a developmental psychologist from Canada. He is co-author of the book Don’t Miss Your Children. The approach is based on John Bowlby’s attachment theory.

Attachment-based theory describes an approach in which adults build a strong, secure, comfortable and supportive relationship with a child. These relationships contribute to the child’s future maturity and independence. The nanny, in turn, is an extension of the parent’s views on parenting and adheres to these principles in her behaviour.

Attachment theory depicts the developmental process of children’s autonomy as they move from dependence on their parents. As an example, here are the six levels of attachment according to Newfeld in which this process of dependence is manifested:

through the senses
through similarity
through loyalty and belonging
through personal importance and significance
through love
through recognition

In this context, the question arises: Should the nanny have feelings of love for the child she is caring for? Is it important for the development and happiness of the baby?

Arguments that deny the need for a nanny to love a child:

Professional approach: nannies are considered to be professionals who do not have to show feelings of love for the child. The main thing is that she fulfils her duties, ensures care and safety, and the emotional aspects should be secondary.

Arguments supporting the need for a nanny to love the child:

Loving your child helps their emotional well-being. Support gives a sense of security and love, which develops self-esteem and self-confidence
Develops social skills and positive emotions
Successfully copes with stress
Teaches holistic development

Builds healthy attachments and relationships so that the child perceives others with trust and warmth

These arguments confirm that a nanny’s love for a child is a necessary factor for the child’s healthy life and harmonious development. It creates positive conditions for personality formation and emotional well-being.

To summarise the discussions on nanny-child love, we can conclude:the nanny-child relationship is a fundamental aspect of care and education. It contributes to the optimal development and moral well-being of the baby, creating healthy emotional bonds and paving the way for a successful future.

The role of the nanny is to hear and correctly convey the values of the parents to the child, while maintaining subordination and mutual respect. Therefore, it is important to choose a kind, caring and reliable nanny, as the candidate’s personal qualities play an important role in this profession.

However, some parents forbid loving the child, hugging and showing any emotions. They establish a distance because they believe that such a relationship is unacceptable. From our experience with many families, we have seen that a nanny cannot create a trusting relationship with a child if she is forbidden to love and empathise with the child. It is psychologically difficult to build a strong relationship with such a family, which is why nannies often change each other.

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